Lifeforce

Lifeforce mixes everything into a completely loopy sci-fi horror tale featuring a perpetually nude female lead and an exploding Patrick Stewart. It’s overdue for a little love.

BioShock

It delivered just about everything I wanted from the game play surprised me with how much more there was to dig into if you so desired.

Hard to be a God

This German-French-Soviet film is very much like an episode of Star Trek — with all the well-meaning ham-handedness that implies — only with more grime, blood, and full frontal male nudity.

Black Lightning

The 2009 Russian film Black Lightning uses the same plot as Sam Raimi’s movie, but asks the one important question Spider-Man left dangling; ‘what about the car? What about the car??’

Amazing Captain Nemo

So, The Amazing Captain Nemo is just-about-passable afternoon matinee entertainment, assuming you can roll with the ropey model FX. And I also now know for certain that even the addition of sweet laser-equipped scuba thrusters isn’t enough to make diving sequences interesting.

Armageddon: The Final Challenge

At the top of my list of experiences I don’t need recreated for me by a movie would be the frustrating tedium of phone-based customer support.

Circadian Rhythm

I tried real hard, Circadian Rhythm. I tried real hard to like, then tolerate, then at the very least, appreciate on some level what you were doing. But in the end, I just couldn’t pull it off. There just wasn’t any salvaging this date, and although you were cute and I liked your glasses and…

Cherry 2000

Cherry 2000 gleefully embraces all the excess, quirks, and questionable art and design decisions that embodied the 1980s, resulting in a post-apocalypse film as imagined by Patrick Nagel.

Split Second

By 1992’s Split Second, Rutger Hauer had either become so good at acting bored that he seemed totally bored with the movie, or he was totally bored with the movie.

Raiders of Atlantis

The crew of the salvage vessel find themselves stranded (except for their helicopter) in a seemingly deserted coastal town, and by seemingly, I mean that there are plenty of corpses placed in various humorous and surprising “tumble out at ya” locations.

Lady Terminator

It’s dialog is ludicrous. It’s action is frenetic, and also ludicrous. It’s gore is gratuitous to the point of being… well, ludicrous. Everything about it is so much more than it needs to be that it takes one past the point of feeling satisfied to feeling engorged.