The Tell-Tale Heart

A chilling tale of lust, sex, murder, betrayal, and an annoying drum that goes ‘boingggg!’

Legend of the Werewolf

Paul investigates and discovers that all of them were clients of Christine. There’s also the body of a poor sewer man with no dialogue other than “Aarrgghh,” played Michael Ripper.

Blood of the Vampire

Callistratus is trying to find a combination of groups that can be transfused into a diseased subject to cure the condition. Pretty sure that’s not really how blood groups work, but never mind.

Master of the Flying Guillotine

Sheer craziness and dark tone compensate for the areas where the film could have been better – low-budget production value, the obvious arms stuffed inside shirts and the hokey special effects.

I Don’t Want To Be Born

Hercules curses Lucy, telling her she’ll have a baby that will be possessed by the Devil. It’ll also be a giant, as big as he is small. The baby, irritatingly, remains resolutely normal-sized.

Black Lightning

The 2009 Russian film Black Lightning uses the same plot as Sam Raimi’s movie, but asks the one important question Spider-Man left dangling; ‘what about the car? What about the car??’

Dr. Mordrid

Mordrid lives in an amazing New York apartment full of old books and maps and other things pertinent to his wizardly status, but also lots of NEON! Because THE FUTURE! When not hanging out among the books and the neon, Mordrid is on the astral plane talking to his boss, Monitor, a big disembodied pair of eyes

Amazing Captain Nemo

So, The Amazing Captain Nemo is just-about-passable afternoon matinee entertainment, assuming you can roll with the ropey model FX. And I also now know for certain that even the addition of sweet laser-equipped scuba thrusters isn’t enough to make diving sequences interesting.

Adventures of Jane

I have a friend who is a huge, HUGE World War II history buff. My Dad is similarly fascinated with that conflict, so between the two of them, I have picked up a certain smattering of interest in the terrible events of 1939-45. Not much, but enough to get highly annoyed at my fellow countrymen…