Release Year: 1986
Country: Hong Kong
Starring: Siu-Hou Chin, Maggie Cheung, Dick Wei, Sau-Lai Tsui, Chow Yun Fat, Elvis Tsui, Ken Boyle, Yuen Chor.
Writer: Daniel Ullman
Director: Lam Ngai Kai
Cinematographer: Chiu-Lam Ko
Music: Gam Wing Shing
Producer: Raymond Chow, Leonard Ho, Jing Wong
Original Title: Yuan Zhen-Xia yu Wei Si-Li
Alternate Title: Dr. Yuen and Wisely

Suit work! It’s the two words that all young aspiring actors dread, but hey, when the rent is due and the cupboard’s bare, a person’s gotta do, what a person’s gotta do, right? But where do you draw the line? Is appearing at your local metropolitan shopping centre as a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger acceptable? How about a cartoon character at a Hollywood theme park? Sure it’s all show business, but walking around all day with a giant fibreglass cat’s head on your shoulders can hardly be called acting. But I guess nobody can see the actor’s face — they get paid for the gig — and they can keep auditioning for the big role that one day will make them a star.

Then there’s maybe the one or two actors who enjoy the anonymity of suit work. They enjoy being a part of the creative process, giving a performance, and at the end of the day, going home to their family without the pressures of celebrity. At this stage I feel an urge to talk about Barney The Dinosaur, but I will refrain at this stage.

But suit work doesn’t belong solely to the world of children’s entertainment. Where would we be without David Prowse, Peter Mayhew and Anthony Daniels all kitted out in the Star Wars movies? …hang on, maybe they are kids films too! How about the guys who played aliens in Alien and Predator? And who can forget King Kong and Godzilla. Finally, where would Hong Kong cinema be without the guy who played the Ancient Ancestor in The Seventh Curse? Oh, you’re not too familiar with that one…allow me to elaborate.

Welcome to weird eighties Hong Kong horror. Pardon my French, ladies and gentlemen, but The Seventh Curse is one fucked up movie. Oh man, this film is all over the place, but at the same time, it is an incredibly enjoyable movie experience, one that I couldn’t take my eyes off. I had no idea where the story was going and what was going to happen next. By the 22 minute mark, when the first of the many truly ‘What the fffff…’ moments occur, this film has you totally within it’s long, spidery, and sometimes slimy grasp.

The film opens at an elaborate cocktail party, with famous novelist, Mr. Yi being asked where he gets all the ideas for his fantastical stories. He says at parties like this. He says a good story starts with a good wine, and then begins to tell the story of Dr Yuan and Dr Wei — both of whom happen to be at the party.

The film then jumps to a siege situation. Police have surrounded a building, which houses six armed bandits and a group of hostages. One of these bandits is a sharpshooter and he shoots the negotiating police officer with the megaphone. This results in all police officers opening up on the building with a variety of weapons. In the firefight, the police accidentally shoot one of the hostages. The bullet doesn’t kill him, but he has a heart attack. The bandits call for a cease fire, and ask that a doctor be sent in. The police call for the courageous Dr. Yuan (Siu-Hou Chin). The police ask Yuan, once inside, to plant a smoke bomb for them, so they can storm the building and save the day. Yuan agrees, and to assist him, a policewoman is to accompany him, posing as a nurse.

Nosey reporter Tsai Hung (Maggie Chung), sees an opportunity for a scoop, and clocks the policewoman on the head with a brick and then assumes her nurses apparel and follows Dr. Yuan into the building. Of course Tsai Hung’s meddling causes complication, but ultimately the smoke bomb goes off — the police storm the building and kick the shit out of the bad guys.

For his part Yuan is a hero, and now Tsai Hung wants to do a story on him. He is not interested and heads home. At home he has two surprises in store for him. The first is that there is a naked woman in his bathroom. And second, and not quite so welcome is a mysterious, black clad kung-fu guy named Heh Lung (Dick Wei). Heh Lung kicks Yuan’s ass all around his home, destroying glass tables, bookshelfs, statues…everything and anything.

But despite Heh Lung’s aggressive and destructive demeanour, he is actually a friend and there to help Yuan. He says that Yuan has a ‘blood spell’ upon him, and will relapse soon. Yuan must go to Thailand. And he mentions that the girl has a ‘ghost spell’ on her. What girl? Yuan, at this stage, doesn’t seem to comprehend what his ass-kicking friend is saying — and we viewers are equally in the dark at this stage. Before leaving, Heh Lung also warns Yuan about having sex. This will only bring on the relapse of the ‘blood curse’ quicker.

After Heh Lung has left, Yuan ignores all warnings and engages in a bit of ‘rumpy-pumpy’ with his beautiful house guest. During their sexual encounter, strange things begin to happen to Yuan’s leg. It is almost as if something is alive beneath the skin. Then all the veins begin to bulge, and then finally one of the veins erupts.

Alarmed, Yuan seeks the advice of his rather comfortably dressed colleague Dr. Wei (Chow Yun Fan). Wei asks about the ‘blood curse’, and Yuan relates a story from one year ago…

Yuan was part of a medical expedition to North Thailand, where they were searching for herbs that would benefit in the treatment of AIDS. The leader of the expedition, Professor (Ken Boyle) warms all members that they shouldn’t wander off too far from the camp, because in a nearby camp is the Yunnan Maio Tribe. The Yunnan Maio are a worm tribe that specialises in witchcraft.

So what does Yuan do? He wanders off from the camp. And at a rockpool, sees a beautiful tribeswoman, Ba Chu (Sau-Lai Tsui) swimming all but naked. Well the dialogue call her Ba Chu, but the subtitles call her ‘Betsy’. Yuan is instantly smitten. He goes back to his camp and gathers a few friends, and they foolishly decide to pay a visit to the worm tribe’s village.

Every year, the worm tribe’s ancient ancestor is awoken from his slumber, and is offered two people as a sacrifice. Overseeing the ritual is the Shaman, Aquala (Elvis Tsui). Aquala wants Ba Chu to be his mistress. When she refuses, he arranges for her to be one of the sacrificial victims. As Ba Chu is the daughter of the previous leader of the Yunnan Maio people, one tribesman speaks out against Aquala. However, the tribesman’s act of dissent is short lived, as Aquala has a blood ghost hiding beneath his cloak. The blood ghost is a vicious worm muppet with sharp teeth. The muppet, er…blood ghost flies through the air onto the tribesman, and begins to chew on the guy’s face and neck. Then the little blighter burrows into the guy’s body and bursts out of the tribesman’s chest. The scene is obviously inspired by Alien. Having successfully mutilated the objector, the blood ghost returns to Aquala and tucks itself, once again, behind his cape. After this spectacle, the rest of the Yunnan Maio people have no objections to Ba Chu’s sacrifice.

Yuan and the other men from the medical research team have been watching the ritual, and are a little shocked. Yuan decides to rescue Ba Chu, and he sends his colleagues back to camp to get weapons.

Ba Chu and the other victim have been taken inside an underground temple. Before them, is a giant stone tomb. Aquala pours some blood on the lid of the tomb and then leaves the chamber. The stone lid flies off, and from a screen of smoke emerges the Ancient Ancestor. And I’ve got to admit, that Ancient Ancestor look exactly like you’d expect him to. He’s a skeleton…albeit, a skeleton with glowing eyes. He rattles his way out of his crypt and makes his way towards Ba Chu. Just as it looks light it is curtains for Ba Chu, Yuan steps into the fray and engages in a kung-fu showdown with the ancient bag of bones.

Yuan doesn’t exactly win the fight, but somehow he manages to hold his own and free Ba Chu. Then both of them flee. Yuan drags Ba Chu back to the medical research expedition campsite, chased by legions of Yunnan Maio warriors. The tribesmen make short work of the medicos, leaving only the Professor and Yuan alive (and Ba Chu of course — she is one of their own).

The Professor and Yuan are dragged back to the temple, and are brought before Aquala, who plans amusing deaths for both men…amusing if you are a sick, twisted Shaman type, which Aquala is. For us normal people, it’s all kinda icky. Firstly Aquala pours something on the Professors head. It acts instantly, and in seconds the Professor is screaming and ripping off his face, and if that isn’t enough, then he rips open his stomach and a whole lot of worms wriggle out. I hope you’re not reading this over dinner! Mmmm Mmmm.

Then Aquala turns his attention to Yuan. First he walks over to the body of a dead tribesman, burrows in and pulls something out — I am not sure what it is — but it can’t be good. The Shaman then returns to Yuan and forces the objects down his throat. Immediately, the evil magic begins to work. Yuan begins to convulse and then blood blisters erupt all of his body. Aquala then leaves Yuan to die. This is the second time, that Aquala has just left people to die, without watching and checking to make sure. He is a lazy villain.

As Yuan is left alone with no guards to watch him, he manages to escape, all the while; the giant blood blisters continue to burst. He makes his way to the rockpool where he first encountered Ba Chu and collapses. Ba Chu finds him. To revive him, she disrobes, produces a knife and cuts out a section of her left breast and feeds it to Yuan. Yuan passes out…and this is the end of the flashback sequence. We are back in Dr, Wei’s office.

Dr Wei tells Yuan what we already know — he has a blood curse. As they sit in the office, Yuan experiences another rupture; his second. Wei tells him that he will suffer one blood curse a day, until the seventh day, when the curse will explode in his heart and he will die. As Yuan has already used up two days, he has five days to save himself. He immediately makes plans to go to Thailand and meet Heh Lung. It’s now that Tsai Hung enters the room. She is Dr. Wei’s cousin. Ever the persistent journalist, she is still after an interview with Yuan, and now insists upon going with Yuan to Thailand. Naturally both Yuan and Wei advise against it. But, you know, she’s a reporter and heads along anyway.

Now in Thailand the story rapidly moves along. I won’t outline it all, or there will be no surprises left for those who choose to see this film, but needless to say Yuan soon teams up with Heh Lung and they start working out a way to cure Yuan’s Blood Curse, and Ba Chu’s Ghost Curse. And, luckily for them, there is a way. In a sacred temple, hidden in the eyes of a giant stone Buddha are two eggs filled with magic grain. Here the story moves into Indiana Jones territory, and as our two intrepid heroes start to climb the Bhudda, lot’s of sharp pointing objects pop out. Not only do they have to contend with the booby traps, but also protecting the Buddha and the magic eggs is a team of butt-kicking monks. After a fast and furious battle on the statue, Yuan and Heh Lung retrieve the eggs. Yuan gobbles down the grain inside one, just in time as his seventh blood curse in about to erupt. So now Yuan is good. But you’re probably wondering where the girls are during all this? Well they have got themselves captured by Aquala and now need rescuing.

Aquala, the FIEND, has Tsai Hung and Ba Chu tied up, ready to be sacrificed to Ancient Ancestor. But in the nick of time, Yuan and Heh Lung arrive on the scene. Heh Lung knocks Aquala back onto the lid of Ancient Ancestor’s tomb. Suddenly Ancient Ancestor’s arm reaches out, grabs Aquala and drags him into the tomb, and no doubt carries out some nasty medical experiments on his body. Tsai Hung and Ba Chu are freed and the four of them make a run for it before Ancient Ancestor can climb out of the crypt once again. Strangely, and I never really got this, the large concrete tomb structure chases them. I mean it kinda drives down one of the passageways after them. Our four mortals are chased into a giant chamber, and the stone coffin races in after them. It crashes into a wall, the stone lid flies off and out creaks the skeletal form of Ancient Ancestor.

But then strange things begin happening to Ancient Ancestor’s bony structure. He starts to swell and mutate into another creature. This slimy full-bodied creature looks remarkably similar to the beasties in Alien, but I am sure no intentional plagiarism was meant — just like the chest bursting scene earlier on — it’s just a lucky coincidence!

At that moment, reinforcements sent by Dr. Wei arrive. They bring semi-automatic weapons and plenty of people for Ancient Ancestor to kill. This new incarnation of Ancient Ancestor is a lot more dexterous than the kung-fu skeleton. This bad boy can fly and has pointy claws to grab, slash and mutilate the disposable underlings in the chamber. Which he does, very effectively. I ask you, is there anything more threatening in filmdom than a ‘man in a monster suit’? Yep! A ‘man in a monster suit on wires’! This motherfucker just won’t stand still and be killed like any normal monster. No, he has to jump and fly about the chamber. He’s not one to give our heroes a sporting chance.

Now I don’t want to give everything away, but of course this film has a slam bang ending which features the slimy rubber Ancient Ancestor, the killer muppet, and Chow Yun Fat. Yep, Dr. Wei finally does something. One of the running jokes throughout the movie, is that Dr. Wei never gets involved in the action. He continually says ‘you go ahead, I’ll join you later!’ Well this is ‘later’, and Dr. Wei turns up carrying a bloody great rocket launcher.

Here I have outlined large portions of the plot for you, but words cannot do the visuals justice. This is one film that has to be seen to be believed — whether it be kung-fu skeletons, flying killer muppets, or the ‘man in a monster suit on wires’ — this film has some crazy scenes. As you may have ascertained from the plot description, this film features quite a bit of gore. Those of you who have read any of my other reviews will know that I’m a squeamish kind of guy. But in this film, everything is so stylised and jaw-droppingly out there, I didn’t feel put-off by the more bloody aspects of this film.

There is a truly weird psychosexual undercurrent to The Seventh Curse, which cannot be ignored. If you think about it too much, you may find it a tad unsettling…then again, it may excite you and add to your viewing experience. In no particular order, here are some of the twisted sexual imagery that The Seventh Curse showcases. Firstly, when we first witness Yuan’s blood curse, as I mentioned earlier, it arrives mid coitus. It manifests itself with Yuan’s veins in his legs bulging, and ends with an orgasmic eruption over his partners face. It may be a mild horror moment, but it owes more to John Stagliano than John Carpenter.

The next strange sequence involves Ba Chu’s revival of Yuan, after the Shaman initially infects him with the blood curse. Ba Chu revives him by cutting out a section of her breast and feeding it to Yuan. I suppose in a clumsy symbolic way, a breast gives life by providing nutrition for babies, so eating a piece of a life giving breast, will er,…give life. But I don’t think this film works on that level. I get the feeling, that the film-makers asked the question ‘What will freak out the audience the most?’

Then we come to Aquala, The Shaman of the Worm Tribe. The fact that they are a ‘worm tribe’ should tell you something? When we first meet Aquala he kills a tribesman by releasing the Blood Ghost upon him. They may calls this creature a Blood Ghost (well in the subtitles anyway), but the mini-beast looks like a cross between a penis and a tadpole. Aquala fires off this creature to do his killing for him. It almost a symbol of his extreme male potency — all this from a character who has a squeaky effeminate voice.

I could go on, but I don’t really know what all this means. I am not a psychologist or a sex therapist, but it’s all kinda creepy. It probably just means I have a diseased mind, but then again, I didn’t make a film about a flying ‘dick with teeth’.

Well I have dragged this review into the gutter for long enough. It’s time to climb out into the light and talk about the stunts. Those of you who have seen the film know what I am going to say, don’t you! There’s this scene where Yuan and Heh Lung drive their four-wheel-drive into the Worm Tribe Village. As the vehicle crashes through the huts and clotheslines, all the tribe members go scurrying for their lives. Unfortunately one of the ‘scurryees’ did not scurry quite quickly enough and is collected quite solidly by the four-wheel-drive. I don’t know what the aftermath of this stunt was, but it can’t be good.

If you’ll pardon my very clumsy analogy, The Seventh Curse is a bit like the blood curse in the movie. Once you have seen this film, it slowly infects your whole body, and while your veins don’t explode, there is a certain amount of ‘verbal’ eruption. I have told so many people about this film since I have seen it. I just want to infect everyone with it’s dynamic exuberance. And I hope by reading this review, that some of that ‘infection’ has rubbed off on you. If you haven’t seen The Seventh Curse, track down a copy, switch on your lava lamp, pull up your candy coloured beanbag, pour yourself a decent measure of Scotch (you’re gonna need it) and prepare to be thoroughly entertained!

Before signing off on this review, it’s best that I go back to ‘suit work’ and ‘men in monster suits’, where we started. In a film like The Seventh Curse, you cannot hire any hack actor to jump into the monster suit, especially with the wire-work and stunts featured in the film. You need someone tall, strong and acrobatic. And you need them to be acrobatic while wearing a giant rubber suit. Whoever the guy is in The Seventh Curse, my hat comes off to him. He is a master of his profession. Sure he could have eked out a living playing a jolly green dinosaur at a local shopping centre, but instead chose to push the boundaries of suit work. His spinning, twisting, aerial display sets a standard that other men in monster suits can only help to emulate.