Saturday, July 5, 2008Sahara![]() Year 2005 Directed by Breck Eisner Matthew McConaughey, Steve Zahn, Penelope Cruz, Lambert Wilson, Glynn Turman, Delroy Lindo, William H. Macy Music by Clint Mansell Based on the novel by Clive Cussler For years I have been hoping that they’d make a decent series of movies from Clive Cussler’s Dirk Pitt adventures. While Sahara is closer in spirit to a Pitt novel, and is far superior to the abhorrent Raise The Titanic, it still misses the mark. Those familiar with Cussler’s novels know that he specialises in labyrinthine plots, usually with an event from the past, having an effect today. Obviously, for a two hour movie, many of the subplots have to be jettisoned (and thankfully, the film-makers removed the Abraham Lincoln subplot), but the ones that remain seem to have been scrambled and lost their purpose. For example; in the book Pitt and Al Giordano are sent on a mission to find the source of a deadly red algae that is polluting the Niger River and causing severe environmental problems. In the movie, Pitt and Giordino stumble upon the red algae whilst hunting for a confederate Iron Clad battleship in Africa (more on the plot later). As you can see, the events between the book and movie are similar but motivations change, and in a sense the characters have changed. Pitt in the movie is more of a treasure hunter than an operative (special projects engineer) for NUMA (National Underwater Marine Agency). Onto the movie. The film opens in Richmond, Virginia. It is 1865, and the American Civil War is drawing to a close. A Confederate ironclad battleship is being loaded with coins, before running a blockade on the river and disappears into the night. After this prologue, we move to present day and into Nigeria. Eva Rojas (Penelope Cruz) is a W.H.O. (World Health Organisation) operative who is investigating a disease that seems to be spreading at an alarming rate. All the people she discovers with the disease have all recently been in Mali. Because of an ongoing civil war, the W.H.O. will not allow Eva and her partner, Carl (Delroy Lindo) to cross the border. One of the men that Eva has recently discovered with the disease, had recently returned from Mali with his father. The father works in a lighthouse on the coast. Eva decides to drive out there alone to get a blood sample. But some people aren’t happy with Eva’s work. She is causing too many waves and needs to be silenced. Some Arabs dressed in black jellaba’s follow her to the lighthouse. Outside Eva is attacked and pinned to the ground. One of the men pulls out a large knife, but before he can use it, a three-pronged bolt from a spear-gun skewers his hand. Dirk Pitt (Matthew McConaughey) springs out of the sea and into action and rescues Eva. She passes out and is taken back to the Martha Anne, a NUMA research vessel that Pitt is currently serving on. NUMA are currently retrieving an ancient artefact from the ocean floor. When Eva awakens, the ship is a hive of activity as a sarcophagus is raised from the ocean. The relic is to be unveiled at the Lagos museum that evening. Whilst on board, she meets the NUMA team. Pitt, Al Giordino (Steve Zahn), Rudi Gunn (Rainn Wilson), and Admiral James Sandecker (William H. Macy). Just before the unveiling, from one of his dubious contacts, Pitt receives news on a mysterious Iron Clad that legend has it, was wrecked in a storm, off the coast of Africa. Most people, think that the legend is a load of bunk, but not Pitt. Pitt is obsessed with finding the wreck of the Confederate Iron Clad Battleship, the Texas. He has followed clues over the years, that have led him to believe that it made an ocean crossing all the way to Africa. Eva Rojas attends the unveiling of the sarcophagus, at the Lagos Museum. Through Admiral Sandecker she is introduced to a wealthy industrialist, Yves Massarde (Lambert Wilson) who has contacts in Mali. Eva hopes, that he can get her permission to go into Mali. Massarde isn’t quite what he appears to be. Sure he could get her into Mali, as he has entered into a dodgy agreement with the warlord ruler of Mali, General Kazim (Lennie James). But Massarde, doesn’t want her interfering with his plans, but tells her that he’ll ‘see what he can do’. Meanwhile Pitt’s contact has given him a Confederate Dollar coin. Apparently only five such coins were struck up as samples before the end of the Civil War. Four of the samples have been found. The fifth was given to the captain of the Iron Clad, Texas. And rumour has it, in this neck of the woods, that the Iron Clad actually sailed up the river Niger to Mali in 1866. Pitt is excited. He believes he is getting closer to finding the wreck. Sandecker on the other hand, believes that Pitt is chasing a ghost story, but still gives him three days to investigate. He also gives him permission to use his very expensive, high powered motor boat, the Caliope. The next morning, waiting at the docks are Eva and Carl. Sandecker has arranged for them to hitch a ride with Pitt, Giordino and Gunn. The trip begins uneventfully, and the NUMA team drop Eva and Carl off at a village along the river, and then continue their quest. Thinking the ship may have sunk, they tow a sonar buoy behind the boat. When the readings are incorrect, they reel the buoy in and discover that it is covered in red algae. On a flowing, fresh water river, this is very strange. Gunn takes a sample to be analysed. Outlining all the twists and turns that take place in a Dirk Pitt adventure is a huge task, but needless to say that Eva and Pitt’s paths cross again. And, of course there are quite a few large scale action set pieces along the way. One of the highlights is a boat chase on the Niger River, when a flotilla of General Kazim’s armed patrol boats try to stop Pitt, Giordino and Gunn. The chase ends when the NUMA boys pull a ‘Panama’. What’s a ‘Panama’? You’ll have to watch the film to find out. The casting for Sahara is interesting. The film is miscast, but nowhere to the same extent as Raise The Titanic. McConaughey is rather laid back as Pitt. Pitt, in the novels had a little bit of ‘military’ about him, but McConaughey is more of a beach bum. But his easy going style strangely won me over as the film progressed. Steve Zahn, as Al Giordino, is also miscast. Giordino, in the books is big and strong. Zahn doesn’t look physically imposing, but his performance in the film is great, in a slight comic relief kind of way. After the failure of Raise The Titanic and the lack lustre performance at the box office by Sahara it may look as if Clive Cussler’s Dirk Pitt stories just aren’t good cinematic fodder. I beg to differ. If you look at the success of National Treasure you can see the Pitt formula in action. The opening scenes with a frozen boat are similar to Cussler’s Atlantis Found. Another film that had a touch of Cussler, was Out Of The Blue. Sure, it veers to weird drug culture gangster film near the end, but for three quarters of it’s running time, the underwater salvage scenes could come straight from any Pitt novel. I am sure with a polished script (and so far that seems to be the hardest part), and a decent team behind the camera (and in the water), we could see a great Dirk Pitt film in the future – But will it ever happen? The Dirk Pitt novels are: The Mediterranean Caper (AKA: Mayday)...1973 Iceberg...1975 Raise The Titanic...1976 Vixen 03...1978 Night Probe...1981 Pacific Vortex...1983 Deep Six...1984 Cyclops...1986 Treasure...1987 Dragon...1990 Sahara...1992 Inca Gold...1994 Shock Wave...1996 Flood Tide...1997 Atlantis Found...1999 Valhalla Rising...2001 Trojan Odyssey...2003 Black Wind..2004 The Treasure Of Khan...2006
posted by David at 6:12 PM | 2 Comments | Links to this post Saturday, June 28, 2008Terror Of The Tongs Year: 1961AKA: The Terror Of The Hatchet Men Directed by Anthony Bushell Geoffrey Toone, Christopher Lee, Yvonne Monlaur, Brian Worth, Richard Leech, Marne Maitland, Barbara Brown, Marie Burke, Burt Kwouk, Roger Delgado, Milton Reid, Bandana Das Gupta Music by James Bernard Burt Kwouk must be one of the most successful jobbing actors of the last half century. Since the late 1950’s, whenever a British film production or television show needed an oriental character, Burt Kwouk was the go-to man. Very often he would re-appear in television shows, like The Saint, The Avengers, Danger Man, and Callan as different characters because he was never a household name and nobody knew who he was. The closest he came to fame and recognition is as Cato Fong, Inspector Clouseau’s manservant in the Pink Panther movies. If you look at a list of movies that he has appeared in, you’ll be staggered by the shear amount of productions he has been in. However, being oriental usually meant that Kwouk had to play evil scheming characters. Some people may say that Dr. Fu Manchu was the epitome of Asian menace, or the so called ‘yellow-peril’. I disagree. Fu Manchu was usually played by a Caucasian actor (like Christopher Lee) with eye-pieces applied. Burt Kwouk was the real thing. Having said all that, The Terror Of The Tongs is unusual in that Burt Kwouk plays a good guy. In the film, Kwouk plays Mr. Ming, a man attempting to stamp out the Red Dragon Tong in Hong Kong. The Red Dragon Tong is a secret society that preys on the the people of Hong Kong. They extort money from shopkeepers and run gambling and opium dens, as well as brothels. Mr. Ming is on a steamer captained by Jackson Sale (Geoffrey Toone) as it sails into Hong Kong Harbour. Ming is carrying a list of all the Red Dragon Tong members. With this information he intends to stop the Tong once and for all. But Ming suspects that the Tong will try and stop him, so he secrets the list into the cover of a book of Chinese verse and gives it to Captain Sale as a gift for his daughter. The Captain gratefully accepts the gift. Once in port, Ming is right. The Tong are waiting for him, and an assassin armed with a hatchet attacks Ming on the dock. Ming shoots his attacker three times but thins doesn’t stop the assassin who delivers a mortal blow to Ming. The Tong arrange to claim Ming’s body and possessions but are dismayed to find that the list Ming was supposed to be carrying is nowhere to be found. The leader of the Tong, Chung King (Christopher Lee – with eye-pieces applied) surmises that Ming must have passed the list onto one of the officers on the ship, and orders that anyone who comes into contact with the list must be killed. Captain Sale returns home to his daughter, Helena (Barabara Brown) and his housekeeper Anna (Bandana Das Gupta). Sale gives his daughter the book with the list hidden inside. Anna, the housekeeper is actually Ming’s contact in Hong Kong, and secretly she retrieves the list. But the Tong follow the trail. They start at Sales Steamer, where they find nothing, and then come to Sale’s home. Sale isn’t in the house at that time, but Helena is. The Tong’s, following their orders to kill anyone who comes in contact with the list, do just that. They kill Helena. After the death of his daughter, Sale goes on a rampage, determined to expose the secret Tong society and find his daughter’s killer.The Terror Of The Tongs is a Hammer production written by Jimmy Sangster and provides all the action and intrigue you’d expect from a film of this vintage. It is somewhat studio bound, but this allows the film-makers to control the colour and lighting (and it’s cheaper than filming on location in Hong Kong). Put simply, the film looks fabulous (especially the new widescreen transfers available on DVD). ![]() Labels: Stars: Christopher Lee, Studio: Hammer posted by David at 6:39 PM | 1 Comments | Links to this post Friday, June 27, 2008Fist of the North Star The live action version. Remember every movie you've ever seen where the lead actor had the same expression through the entire movie, no matter what was happening? Well, they all pale in comparison to Gary Daniels, who commitment to a single expression (blank) is astounding. Not until Devon Aoki arrived on the acting scene would he be challenged. The rest of the movie is dumb and cheap and relatively entertaining in that special way dumb, cheap sci-fi from the 90s often managed to be. Not as gory as the anime thanks to the censors (a Fist of the North Star movie that doesn't show the exploding heads???), though there is still some gore. Fights are plodding most of the time but about as good as anything was before they started importing Chinese people and shaking the camera around a lot.The supporting cast includes Malcom McDowell as a Japanese guy (he's not even made up to look Japanese; it's just Malcom McDowell), Melvin Van Peebles as a grim guy, Costas Mandylor as the world's most evil Balki lookalike with a Chinese name, Downtown Julie Brown as Downtown Julie Brown but in the post-apocalyptic future, Chris Penn as Chris Penn but with a half-exploded head, that Asian kid from Fakin' Da Funk who plays the same character in every movie regardless of whether it's Fist of the North Star or But I'm a Cheerleader, and pro wrestler Vader. Best of all is that the gang of mutants are all made up to look mutanty, except for one. For some reason, no one felt like they needed to apply make-up to Clint Howard to turn him into a mutant. All in all, a pretty terrible movie. I enjoyed it, but not as much as I wanted. posted by Keith at 11:07 AM | 0 Comments | Links to this post The Last Sentinel A movie directed and written by a former stuntman. That in itself isn't a guarantee of bad, but it should be a guarantee that your movie has a lot of stunts and stuff in it. But apparently, he wanted to protect his fellow stuntmen, and so this nonsensical movie mostly features scenes of an aged Don "The Dragon Wilson" squatting behind some pipes, or sitting in his post-apocalyptic opera hall, or wherever he lives. The story is the usual -- man builds service robots (robo-cops, if you will), and eventually they rebel and wipe out humanity, save for small pockets of resistance fighters who smear grease and stage dirt on their faces for no real reason. Wilson is the super-soldier who has become a hermit, but will be lured into the battle by being allowed glimpses of Katee "Starbuck" Sackhoff's admittedly persuasive side-boob.The whole thing is a mess. The Dragon is in hiding, but he frequently stands on the edge of a building, posing heroically, for all killer robots to see. He and Starbuck escape some robots by shooting a grenade launcher directly at their own feet, which rather than blowing them to hell, merely damages the floor enough so that they can fall to safety. They break into the refinery that seems to be the one set the movie could afford, so Starbuck can steal a poorly guarded disc from the central computer that controls the robot police (ha ha! Is that a Commodore 64???), but they never use it. Instead, Wilson breaks back in later and blows up the Commodore 64, thus disabling 99% of the robo police and saving the world. Why the heck didn't they do that the first time they were in the room? The whole thing is just terrible. Flashbacks to Wilson's days during the war against the robots are OK, and Keith David gets to yell and repeat the same quotes over and over. The soldiers all have irritating talking A.I. guns. Wilson stands like five feet from twenty robots with machine guns, and they never hit him. Also, it's good to see that new bottles of Vitamin Water survived the end of the world. Wilson actually carries his age well, but the movie itself is a cheap, disjointed, first draft of fanfic level piece of junk. Still, Katee Sackhoff side boob. 3/4 boob, actually. Well, BODY DOUBLE SIDE BOOB! YOU COULDN'T EVEN GIVE US THAT ONE SCRAP, COULD YOU LAST SENTINEL??? Don "The Dragon" Wilson does do his own topless scenes, though. posted by Keith at 11:04 AM | 1 Comments | Links to this post Friday, June 20, 2008Operation Pink Squad II Original Title: Meng gui da shaAKA: Thunder Cops Year: 1987 Directed by Jeffrey Lau Anne Bridgewater, Sharla Cheung, Suki Kwan, Fui-On Shing, Fung Woo, Cheung-Yan Yuen, Billy Lau, Music by Danny Chung Operation Pink Squad II is a Hong Kong martial arts, ghost story comedy farce from the 80’s. That alone should tell you quite a bit about the movie – it has a bit of everything in it, and it’s all over the place. But these movies were made to entertain and generally Operation Pink Squad II does that. Also known as Thunder Cops the story concerns four police women and their male superior officer who are trying to bust a Japanese counterfeit ring. The counterfeiters have used four Japanese girls as couriers to smuggle the plates into Hong Kong. The smugglers were stopped at the airport and arrested. Now the four policewomen are to take their place and arrest the Hong Kong connection in the scheme. The police superintendent arranges for accommodation in Maple Towers, which is an old multi-storey apartment block complex. Unfortunately Maple Towers has a slight ghost problem. To alleviate this, the caretaker arranges for a kung-fu fighting Buddhist priest to come to the building and clean out the ghosts. And clean them out he does, capturing each of them and squishing them into little cloth bags. As the priest takes takes his haul of sixty ghost filled bags down to the basement – and the doorway to hell – he drops one of the bags and it scuttles off. The priest believes his work is done and leaves the building. The ghost that has escaped, though, is the nastiest of the bunch. Meanwhile the jealous husband of one of the policewomen turns up. He believes she is having an affair with her superior. His solution is simple. He plans to kill them both. As intense as this sounds, it is played out in a slapstick manner. What we then have is four police women, one police man, and one deranged husband trapped in a building with a vengeful ghost. This leads to some mild horror and a lot of running around screaming. It gets even wilder when our inept heroes chop off the ghosts head with an axe. Now the head flies around the corridors chasing them, as does the headless body. Twice the trouble. Then the boss of the counterfeit ring arrives to close the deal for the plates. He is carrying a bag full of money. Somehow in the chaos and the commotion, the ghosts head flies into the money bag and the counterfeiter takes it off site. This as you’d expect from a Hong Kong martial arts, ghost story comedy farce is a pretty weird film. For me though, it isn’t as good as many others in this style simply because of the very broad comedy. In places it’s like a smutty version of Abbott & Costello, and I can imagine that a great deal of viewers will enjoy it. I was after more kung fu ass kicking, than farcical mugging, but having said that, I am sure on another given day, I will take time to watch this film again and think that it is an absolute classic. But not this time. posted by David at 12:30 AM | 0 Comments | Links to this post Thursday, June 19, 2008Alan Quatermain And The Lost City Of Gold Year: 1987Directed by Gary Nelson Richard Chamberlain, Sharon Stone, James Earl Jones, Henry Silva, Robert Donner, Cassandra Peterson Music by Michael Linn Based on the novel by H. Rider Haggard Alan Quatermain And The Lost City Of Gold is a follow up to King Solomon’s Mines, which also starred Richard Chamberlain as Alan Quatermain, and Sharon Stone as perpetually screaming and shrieking Jessie Huston. The film is a step down from its predecessor, which wasn’t too good to begin with. The film opens well enough with Alan Quatermain and Jessie Huston about to leave Africa for America where they plan to marry. The day before they are due to embark, a fellow adventurer, known to Quatermain, stumbles out of the jungle with some angry natives on his trail. Quatermain fights off the natives and gives the adventurer sanctuary. This guy had been a travelling companion to Quatermain’s younger brother Robeson (which I guess is a homage to Paul Robeson – who played Umbopa in the 1937 version of King Solomon’s Mines). Naturally, Quatermain is now concerned for his brother who wandered off into the jungle many months ago searching for the Lost City of Gold. That night, the natives return to Quatermain’s home and sneak into the room where the adventurer lay recuperating. This time they finish him off. In the morning Quatermain finds the dead body and decides some investigating is required. He decides to mount his own expedition to find the Lost City of Gold and hopefully his brother still alive. This doesn’t sit too well with Jesse who had made intricate travel and wedding arrangements. But she gets over it and tags along on Quatermain’s quest, screaming and shrieking as she goes. Also joining the troupe is James Earl Jones as Umslopogaas. Umslopogaas carries a bloody great axe, which is pretty handy when you are travelling through hostile uncharted jungle territory. Providing comic relief is Robert Donna as Swarma, who is a greedy mystic. Swarma is basically a coward, but his greed drives him forward on the adventure. Like the book King Solomon’s Mines, the novel Alan Quatermain on which this is based has been filmed a few time before. The most infamous version, is King Solomon’s Treasure which starred John Colicos as Alan Quatermain, and featured David McCallum, Britt Ekland, and Patrick Macnee. King Solomon’s Treasure is often regarded as one of the worst films ever made, and at times Alan Quatermain And The Lost City Of Gold looks set to keep that tradition alive with some truly awful acting, dodgy sets and special effects, and worst of all for a city of gold – gold that looks like mud. As a viewer, when I get to the city of gold, I want to say ‘Wow!’ – not ‘Oh look, they’ve dipped the city in chocolate!’. Henry Silva, outfitted in a ridiculous wig, which makes him look like he is out of Spinal Tap gives an uncharacteristic wild performance as Agon, the evil would-be ruler of the City of Gold. Usually I like Silva because he is so cool and menacing, but here he is off the fucking planet. I guess he’s good for a laugh anyway, because that’s all this film is really good for is a few laughs. The ending is terrible – but so bad it is good (you know what I mean). ![]() Labels: Stars: Henry Silva posted by David at 12:17 AM | 0 Comments | Links to this post Wednesday, June 18, 2008King Solomon’s Mines Year: 1985Directed by J. Lee Thompson Richard Chamberlain, Sharon Stone, Herbert Lom, John Rhys-Davies Music by Jerry Goldsmith Based on the novel by H. Rider Haggard As a young man at college, there were a few things that I did that were not really beneficial to the course I was studying. These weren’t bad things by any stretch of the imagination, but show that I was not as diligent in my studies as some of my class mates. One of these areas in which I strayed was in my library habits. While my class mates were borrowing books on design and typography, I was engrossed in the classic section. By classics I don’t mean William Shakespeare or Thomas Hardy – I mean Conan Doyle and H. Rider Haggard. In particular, I remember the three leather bound editions they had of She, King Solomon’s Mines, and Alan Quatermain. Naturally I devoured them all. Also at this time, Cannon Films released King Solomon’s Mines starring Richard Chamberlain as Alan Quatermain. The film also featured a virtually unknown actress named Sharon Stone (remember this is 7 years before Basic Instinct and she hadn’t acquired her sexual predator image). This is possibly her first big role. Naturally, having recently read the book, I went and saw King Solomon’s Mines at the cinema. The cinema was all but empty and I walked out pretty disappointed. Later, when the film was released on video, I caught the film at a student video night, and watching the film with a very relaxed and light hearted audience, I came away with a very different viewing experience. The movie was still crap, but in an enjoyable way. Everything in it is so over the top. It was never meant to be an adaptation of H. Rider Haggard’s novel, but rather a non-stop roller coaster ride. Once viewed in that light the film is very entertaining. The action adventure begins with Professor Jebidiah Huston examining a small statue of a women. It looks Egyptian and is inscribed with markings and symbols all over the body. The Professor has spent all his life searching for King Solomon’s Mines and believes this may be a map to their actual location. Before the Professor can decipher the statue, the party is interrupted by evil Turkish merchant, Dogati (John Rhys-Davies). Dogati demands that the Professor decipher the map now and tell him where the mines are. The Professor refuses. Several months later, Jesse Huston (Sharon Stone) comes looking for her father. She has been sent a letter saying that she can meet up with him in the village of Tungola. She is to meet him in an establishment run by slimy trader Kassam (Shaike Ophir). But first she must get to Tungola. That’s where great white hunter and guide, Alan Quatermain (Richard Chamberlain) comes in. He leads Jesse Huston’s party to the remote jungle village. Waiting for Jesse Huston are two men. The first is Dogati who has not been able to make the Professor tell where the mines are. The second man, who is Dogati’s partner out of necessity, rather than friendship and trust, is Colonel Bockner (Herbert Lom). Bockner is a pompous German soldier who plans to take the treasure at the mines for the glory of Germany (and his own personal gain, of course). Once in Tungola, Jesse manages to get herself kidnapped a couple of times, requiring Quartermain to come to her rescue. During the mayhem, Quatermain learns that Dogati and Bockner have Jesse’s father and are transporting him by train to a German military camp in Burumba. Being and action adventure film, Quatermain and Jesse catch the train and scramble on board. But once again, Jesse gets captured and is taken by Dogati and Bockner to her father. Dogati threatens to torture Jesse unless the Professor reveals the location of the mines. The Professor breaks and tells all. Once again, Quatermain comes to the rescue and saves both Jesse and the Professor. But it is now too late, both Dogati and Bockner are making their way towards the mine and the fabulous riches there within. The Professor pleads with Quatermain to race to the mines first, (with Jesse in tow, too). Reluctantly he agrees and the race is on. In modern times, the shadow of Indiana Jones looms large over most ‘old fashioned’ action adventures. And undoubtedly, King Solomon’s Mines is drinking from the same well, but you’ve got to remember that there were action adventure films before Indiana Jones. Granted Indiana Jones did it better than most, and that’s why it is used as a template and so many movies are compared to the series. The story of King Solomon’s Mines itself, has been filmed (or variations of) at least four other times. The story is a much loved classic, and it is a classic because it is a good old fashioned adventure, and that’s what the film strives to be. It isn’t a masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination but it is darn good fun – particularly if you don’t expect too much from it, and it is viewed with an audience.
posted by David at 12:15 AM | 0 Comments | Links to this post Tuesday, June 17, 2008Beowulf & Grendel Year: 2005Directed by Sturla Gunnarsson Gerard Butler, Stellan Skarsgård, Ingvar Eggert Sigurosson, Sarah Polley, Eddie Marsan, Martin Delaney, Tony Curran, Rory McCann, Ronan Vibert Music by Hilmar Örn Hilmarsson Beowulf & Grendel is not the recent (2007) animated version starring Ray Winstone, but the live action version starring Gerard Butler. The film features plenty of swordplay and hacking violence, but this film is not your standard Sword & Sorcery fare. Nor should it be. The epic Anglo-Saxon poem, Beowulf is the oldest living piece of literature in the English language. As such, the story should be treated with a certain amount of respect and not turned into a Conan The Barbarian movie. In the film, King of the Danes Hrothgar (Stellan Skarsgård) has one great big problem. Every night a giant troll, named Grendell (Ingvar Eggert Sigurosson) attacks his village. He is ruthless in his attacks but he only kills the men. He never touches the women or children. Beowulf (Gerard Butler) is a heroic warrior from Geatland, and he is friends with Hrothgar. When Beowulf hears of Hrothgar’s problems, he and a band of stout-hearted warriors set sail from Geatland to Daneland to help out King Hrothgar, and to rid the land once and for all of the giant marauding troll, Grendel. Beowulf and his men are cocky and confident that they can quickly put an end to Grendel’s reign of terror, but as in all these stories, the task isn’t as easy as it first seemed. This film plays like a moody character piece. The real star of the movie is not Butler, Skarsgård, Sigurosson or Polley, but the brutal location cinematography. The harsh volcanic Icelandic landscapes are unforgiving. On top of the hostile terrain there is the foreboding weather. Short of a snow bound story (and even then some fall short), visually this is one of the coldest films I have seen. Beowulf & Grendel is a very good, rich and rewarding film, but those after a big sprawling Sword & Sorcery epic will be disappointed. This isn’t that kind of film. ![]() Labels: Men With Swords posted by David at 12:38 AM | 0 Comments | Links to this post Monday, June 16, 2008Revolver![]() Year: 1973 AKA: Blood In The Streets Directed by Sergio Sollima Oliver Reed, Fabio Testi, Agostina Belli, Daniel Beretta, Paola Pitagora Music by Ennio Morricone There’s one trait in Italian crime thrillers that I really admire. Nearly all of them, no matter how hyper stylised and cartoon like they may be during their running time, at the end they have a touch of realism. Rarely does the hero ride off into the sunset with his girl by his side. Think about Teleport City favourite Maurizio Merli – how many times has he been shot in the back during the final reel? Revolver is a not a cop film in the usual sense – American or Italian. It can be argued that the hero, Vito Cipriani (Oliver Reed) does make it to the end, and he has his girl by his side, but the film still ends on a cynical, realist note. Just before the credits roll, Cipriani’s wife, Anna (Agostina Belli) pulls away from him, disgusted at the man he has become. But as usual, I am getting ahead of myself – I am talking about the end credits and I’ve only just started the review. Milo Ruiz (Fabio Testi) and his best friend are small time hoods. When this film opens it finds them running from the police after a robbery has gone wrong. Ruiz’s friend has been shot in the stomach and is losing a lot of blood. Ruiz manages to hot wire a car and the two of them make their getaway out of town. They pull up beside a stony river bed. Ruiz’s friend pleads not to allow the police to find his body. He doesn’t want to be taken to a morgue and chopped up by the coroner. Ruiz promises that won’t happen. After his friend has died, Ruiz buries him under some rocks by the river. Some time later, we meet Vito Cipriani – the warden of an Italian prison. One afternoon he is called into the prison to deal with a prisoner, armed with a knife who is causing a riot in the prison’s hospital. Cipriani handles the situation quickly and effectively and then returns home to his wife, only to find she isn’t in the house. Cipriani then receives a telephone call from two men who have kidnapped his wife, Anna. They demand that Cipriani arranges the release from his prison, a prisoner named Milo Ruiz, or his wife will be killed. Cipriani hasn’t go much choice, but explores every avenue possible before agreeing to release Ruiz. But rather than take the blame for Ruiz’s release, Cipriani makes it look like an escape. Cipriani takes Ruiz into an interrogation room and beats the crap out of him. This results in Ruiz being transferred to the prison’s hospital. Then Cipriani calls away the hospital guard giving Ruiz the opportunity to escape. Ruiz grabs the opportunity with both hands, but once over the wall he is picked up at gunpoint by Cipriani. He isn’t the type to ‘hope’ that the kidnappers keep their side of the bargain. He wants Ruiz as a bargaining chip to make sure they keep to their word. Trading Ruiz for Anna doesn’t go as planned. The kidnappers try to double cross Cipriani, and when that doesn’t work they flee with Anna to Paris. Meanwhile Ruiz and Cipriani form an uneasy alliance and both choose to follow the kidnappers to Paris to find and release Anna. Revolver is a pretty good tough thriller. It may not have the same heart pounding car chase scenes that other popular Italian thrillers have, but it doesn’t need them. This film has a solid centre in the form of Oliver Reed. Reed gives a characteristically intense performance that drives this film on. Fabio Testi’s performance is lighter, and it times it seems like it is all a game to Ruiz. And in some ways it is a game. Not a particularly nice game, and one that seems to have the odds stacked fairly against the two anti-heroes. ![]() Labels: Eurocrime, Stars: Oliver Reed posted by David at 12:14 AM | 0 Comments | Links to this post Wednesday, June 11, 2008Escape From Galaxy 3 Year: 1981Original Title: Giochi erotici nella 3a galassia AKA: Star Crash II Directed by Ben Norman (Bitto Albertini) Cheryl Buchanan, James Milton, Don Powell, Auran Chritea, Alex Macedon, Margaret Rose Music by Don Powell First of all, this isn’t really a sequel to Star Crash. It uses the same space ships and models, and the heroine is called Belle Star, which is just close enough to Stella Star that those with poor memories may just for a second believe they are watching the same character. Only a second mind you, after all, Stella was played by dark haired and curvy Caroline Munro, whereas Belle is played by blonde Cheryl Buchanan. Also Caroline Munro got around in a very fashionable black leather bikini, and Belle flitters between tight fitting body suits and nothing at all. The film starts when Oraclon: The King Of The Night™ (Don Powell) sails into ‘Galaxy 3’ in his star ship shaped like a giant hand made from blue Lego®. You may remember the ship from Star Crash when it was the property of evil Count Zarth Arn (Joe Spinell). You may also remember that Star Ship was destroyed at the end of Star Crash, which leads me to conclude that these super cruisers are assembly line build like your modern motor car. The Blue Hand model must have appealed to evil space tyrants who plan to take over the galaxy. Anyway, Oraclon: The King Of The Night™ has been invading every planet and killing everybody in his path and now it’s planet Exalon’s turn. Exalon is ruled by benevolent King Zanor. Zanor also happens to be the father of Princess Belle Star. Zanor tries to fight off Oraclon, but his men are no match for Oraclon’s weapons. Zanor orders Belle Star and one of his trusted aides, Lithan (James Milton) to seek help in the Anteres System. So Belle and Lithan flee in their space ship. Oraclon: The King Of The Night™ destroys Exalon and kills King Zanor. He soon discovers that Belle and Lithan have fled and sends ships after them. As they make their escape, a laser blast damages the controls, and they loose their navigation computer. Naturally Belle and Mithan escape, but have no idea where they are. They decide to land on the first planet they find. The first planet happens to be earth, but not as we know it. Here the only population is a little village of primitive inhabitants. When they see the spaceship land, they believe it is a monster. When Belle and Mithan leave the ship, the inhabitants initially try to kill them by throwing rocks at them. But despite Belle and Mithan’s weird costumes and manner, their humanity shines through, and they soon make friends with the villagers. During their stay, Belle and Mithan witness a weird ceremony where the female characters start dancing, what looks like a primitive version of the Bus Stop to the funky disco beat. This is the beginning of The Love Festival, of which soon Belle and Mithan are participants. For a while things seem pretty good on the primitive planet. Belle Star and Mithan enthusiastically take lessons in love making from the villagers. You see, sex is a lost art form in Galaxy 3 and Once Belle and Mithan discover the fun that can be had – all they want to do is shag. There first attempt is ruined when one of Oraclon’s probe searches the planet for life. Their next tryst is interrupted when Oraclon’s men start shooting up the villagers. And finally, once they decide to leave the planet and get in their spaceship (their intergalactic shaggin’ wagon) and take off, when Oraclon catches up with them, they are at it again. Half way through, this film veers off from your usual science fiction to (almost) softcore disco porn. It isn’t a porn film, but the story slows right down, the cheesy disco music is pumped right up and we see endless shots of Belle and Mithan pawing and caressing each other. One of the things that lifted Star Crash above many of it’s other Star Wars rip-off competitors was the score by maestro John Barry. But Star Crash II takes a very different musical approach. Instead of sweeping strings and mellow horns, we get 80’s Disco. Actually it’s more like 70’s Space Disco. The music is provided by the villain of this movie Don Powell. Powell looks like he’d fit right in with George Clinton and Funkadelic. The strangest part of his appearance in this film is his beard. You know when (in your youth) you hit the town and drank everything that came your way, only to stagger home at six in the morning and pass out at your front door, while trying to find the right key – then you woke up several hours later to find that snails had blazed a trail across your inert form? No, I have never experienced that either, but if you did, I would imagine that you’d look like Don Powell. His beard looks like snails have been using it as a playground. I think it is supposed to look ‘silvery’ and futuristic, but it doesn’t.In the end, you can’t really say that Escape From Galaxy 3 is a good film. But it is an interesting time capsule, and if 70’s disco is your bag, man, then this may very well be your movie. ![]() Labels: Science Fiction posted by David at 4:01 AM | 0 Comments | Links to this post Thursday, June 5, 2008The Petrov Affair Year: 1987Directed by Michael Carson Alex Menglet, Eva Sitta, Swawomir Wabik, Simon Chilvers Composer: Paul Grabowsky Musical Producer: Red Symons Writers: Cliff Green, Mac Gudgeon The Petrov Affair is a strange bird indeed. The titles are presented over a series of watercolour images, giving it a classic feel, rather than an action feel. It seems to have allusions of being a BBC drama. But despite this genteel approach and some pedestrian pacing, The Petrov Affair is a very Australian series in (possibly) the worst sense of the word. This mini-series opens at Mascot Airport in Sydney. Three MVD (Ministerstvo Vnutrennikh Del) agents are escorting Edvokia Petrov to a plane that will take her back to the USSR. Surrounded by a horde of reporters, with flash bulbs going off, she is clearly distressed. Before we can make sense of this, we flash forward to a Royal Commission. An A.S.I.O. (Australian Security and Intelligence Organisation) Officer makes the following statement: “…in 1951 we were studying Soviet personnel with a view to penetrating the embassy and identifying members of the embassy staff who were engaged in intelligence gathering and potential espionage…The activities of the Petrov’s suggested they may be KGB officers.” And before we can make any sense of the Commission the series flashes back to an even earlier time. It’s now 1951, and we are at the Russian Social Club in Sydney. I’ll pull apart these opening two minutes to illustrate how sloppily put together this series is. All these flash-forwards and flashbacks are extremely confusing and are only there to make the opening of this series seem more interesting than it is. Believe me – this series is a slow starter. And unless you are familiar with the events being depicted, there is no way you can follow the story. In my description above, I have been very generous in background detail to help unravel the plot. To the uninitiated the series could play as an unknown woman is shuffled through a crowd of reporters at Sydney Airport. Where is she going and why is she upset? Next the Royal Commission. Timewise, we (the viewers) aren’t even told that this is a flash-forward. It could be a flashback or simply the next day. And they don’t even have the courtesy to tell us that this is a Royal Commission investigation. And finally, we flashback to the Russian Social Club. Again, we are not told where we are and in what context. (On initial viewing I thought it was the Russian Embassy in Canberra). Granted, that these events will make more sense as the story progresses, but when you are telling a story, based on ‘true events’, surely establishing time and place is a key element in the film-makers / story-tellers tool-kit. Back to the synopsis. At the Russian Social Club in Sydney, the Oktoker Revolution is being celebrated. Pictures of Stalin line the walls; vodka is flowing, and everybody is having a good time. Among the revellers are diplomats Vladimir Petrov (Alex Menglet) and his wife Evdokia (Eva Sitta). Vladimir holds many positions at the Russian Embassy. He is the third secretary of the Embassy, a cultural attaché and it is rumoured that he is the head of the KGB. Despite his position, Petrov is not portrayed as a hard line communist. During the evening, as the Soviet Anthem is being sung, his dog attacks the Soviet flag. Not everyone is amused, but Petrov is falling over in fits of hysterical laughter. During the evening Vladimir meets Michael Bialoguski (Swawomir Wabik). Bialoguski is a doctor, and also a violinist with the Sydney Orchestra. In general, he is a well respected gentleman in Sydney society – the perfect target for Vladimir to recruit as an agent. In the following weeks, the two men are spending quality time getting drunk and visiting Sydney’s seedy strip clubs. I’ll digress here to explain a bit of Australian culture, particularly in the 50’s and 60’s. Despite Oz’s reputation as a nation of booze swilling yobs (thank you Barry McKenzie), until the 1970’s all the pubs and clubs had a 6:00pm curfew on selling alcohol. This curfew gave rise to what was called THE SIX O’CLOCK SWILL. Which is probably as debauched as it sounds. Basically all the workers would finish their shifts at 5:00pm and flood to the nearest pub and in the hour till 6:00pm they would drink as much as humanly possible. You will notice, that bars in Australia are quite long. This is so as many patrons can be served, as quickly as possible. A few of the older hotels (that haven’t been renovated and turned into delicatessens) still have tiles half way up the walls from where the publican has to ‘hose’ out the pub after closing. I have explained all that, because Australia was basically dry after 6:00pm (except for take-away alcohol purchased before 6:00pm). And that is how Petrov would ingratiate himself on the people around him (or recruit agents). Wherever he was, in a club or restaurant, he would have a case of whiskey under his table. He would give away bottles to his friends and colleagues, in essence buying a lot of goodwill. Maybe in other countries with freer licensing laws, Petrov’s impact may have been lessened. But in Australia, he was a provider - what we’d call a ‘top bloke’. At the Russian Club in Sydney, people would mill around him and he’d be the centre of attention and activity. It is very difficult to review this series withount giving away all the key events, so at the risk of seeming vague, I’ll try to discreetly outline events. The key to the rest of the events that follow, is Joseph Stalin’s death in March 1953. In the aftermath, Vladimir and Edvokia Petrov are recalled back to Russia. But Vladimir believes that if he returns to the Soviet Union he will be killed. Through Vladimir’s drinking companion, Bialoguski, who had been working for ASIO all along, Petrov arranges to defect to Australia. A part of the deal includes, Vladimir supplying information about Soviet espionage activity in Australia. But as Vladimir makes plans to defect, he does not make plans for Evdokia. Seizing the opportunity, the MVD send two couriers to Australia to transport her back to mother Russia. I have mentioned alcohol in almost every paragraph in this review. That in it self says a lot about this miniseries. Is it a spy drama, or a study in alcoholism with espionage overtones? Your guess is as good as mine. At the risk of being flippant, the amount of booze that is consumed in the first forty minutes of The Petrov Affair, you could be forgiven for thinking that you had stumbled upon a politicised version of The Adventures Of Barry McKenzie - hang on, that’s been done - Les Patterson Saves The World. Back to the synopsis and the series. Is The Petrov Affair at least accurate? It’s hard to say. This series was made thirty years after the events portrayed, and the ‘print the legend’ ethos may have been applied to this production. The Petrov Affair has evolved into a bit of a ‘conspiracy theory’ in Australia and as such, there are many points of view, not all of them accurate. I preparing for this review, I thought it only fair to glean a bit more background information. There are quite a few books out there (whether you can find them is another matter). The Petrov’s themselves had a book written (well, ghost written by one of their ASIO minders: Empire of Fear) outlining their point of view, and Bialoguski has written a book revealing his side of the story . The only book I could find was Nest Of Traitors: The Petrov Affair, (1974, The Jacaranda Press) by Nicholas Whitlam and John Stubbs. It is in no way connected with this mini-series, and is a highly entertaining read. It suggests that Australian Prime Minister, Robert Menzies, may have used the incident to bolster his ‘governments dwindling popularity’ before the 1954 federal election. Menzies was the leader of the Liberal Party (in Australia, the Liberals are the conservative party) and he was not expected to win. It may be true that Menzies manipulated events to his advantage (far be it from me to speculate). But unfortunately one the writers of the book happen to be Nicolas Whitlam, the son of Gough Whitlam, who at the time of this book’s publication was the incumbent Prime Minister. In fact Whitlam was the first Labour Party Prime Minister, Australia had had, since the The Petrov Affair. The co-author is John Stubbs, a former journalist, turned press-secretary for the minister of labour and immigration. So both writers are linked with the Labour party and present a ‘leftist’ view of events. At the end of the day, The Petrov Affair is an interesting piece of Australian history. Unfortunately the mini-series about it is rather flat and lacks cohesion. The filmmakers have tried to be too fancy with their telling – too many points of view – a simple linear telling of the tale, with tighter editing at the beginning, and a few titles telling us where and when events are happening would have improved this production immensely. (I make it sound simple, don’t I?) posted by David at 4:34 PM | 0 Comments | Links to this post Wednesday, June 4, 2008Lara Croft – Tomb Raider – Cradle Of Life Year: 2003Directed by Jan De Bont Angelina Jolie, Gerard Butler, Ciaeán Hinds, Noah Taylor, Christopher Barrie Music by Alan Silvestri Teleport City specialises in reviewing cult and B-grade cinema. At a quick glance Lara Croft – Tomb Raider – Cradle Of Life may not seem like the type of film that I should be looking at. It may have had a A-grade budget and cast, but it really is B-grade trash and deserves it's place here, right along side of Treasure Of the Four Crowns and any other films made to cash in on the popularity of Indiana Jones. I didn’t think much of the first Tomb Raider movie. For me it was a poor, ponderous ripoff of Indiana Jones (I know It’s based on a video game – which in itself is a ripoff of Indiana Jones). So I didn’t hold high hope for Lara Croft – Tomb Raider – Cradle Of Life . But for three quarters of it’s running time, I was mildly amused. The film opens at a Greek wedding on Santorini Island. As the wedding reception takes place, and the guests wine, dine and dance, an earthquake strikes the area. The mountains shake, and fragments from the cliffs fall into the sea. The earthquake also shifts the ocean floor, and some ancient ruins that had lay hidden for thousands of years are once again revealed. With the discovery, a flotilla of archaeologists flood into the area. Among them is Lara Croft (Angelina Jolie). She is a bit smarter than the other archaeologists, and realises that the earthquake has also changed the undersea current patterns, therefore most of them are searching in the wrong spot. She has her boat move further to the west, and out to sea. Diving down she finds the airtight lost temple of Alexander The Great. It is filled with treasure and statues and all good things for an archaeologist, but what catches her eye is a golden glass orb which is mounted high above a statue of Alexander The Great. Lara clambers up the walls to the orb and starts to remove it from it’s casing, but as she does Chen Lo (Simon Yam) and some goons from the Shay Ling Brotherhood arrive in the temple and kill Lara’s assistants. After a pretty large scale fire-fight in which most of the temple is destroyed, Chen Lo manages to escape with the orb and all of the scuba equipment. Lara is now trapped in a flooding temple on the sea bed. How does she get out of her predicament? Well dear reader, she grabs a knife and slices into her arm. Then she enters the water. The blood attracts a shark. As it comes at her, she punches it in the nose and then latches onto it’s dorsel fin. The shark then races to the surface with Lara in tow. It maybe a creative solution to Lara’s problem by the scriptwriters, but certainly not a believable one. Now this orb that Chen Lo has stolen is in fact a map. It is a map to the location of Pandora;s Box, which when opened will flood the world with plague and pestilence. Chen Lo intends to sell the map, to Jonathan Reiss (Ciaeán Hinds) who is a slimy entrepreneur who makes his money by selling nasty biological weapons. Anyway, Lara needs to track down the Shay Ling Brotherhood who have her magic orb, but this is not easy. Like most secretive evil organisations, the Shay Ling don’t advertise where their secret hideout is. But Luckily Lara knows of a man who used to work for the Shay Ling. His name is Terry Sheridan (Gerard Butler), and he is currently serving time in prison. With a little help from M.I.6 (another subplot, but I won’t go into that here), Lara arranges to have Terry released. From here, our dynamic duo of Lara and Terry form an uneasy alliance and track down the Shay Ling and the orb. Cradle Of Life is a vast improvement over it’s ponderous predecessor, but it still is pretty shallow and noisy. But at least it moves at a fair clip, so you won’t have too much time to think about what’s up there on the screen – and Angelina Jolie in a tight fitting costume is always watchable. For most of the films running time I was fairly entertained, but towards the end, the story just gets bloody silly. But by that time, after you’ve invested 90 minutes of the 117 minute run time you might as well see it out. Let’s just say that it is probably this poor ending that killed the Tomb Raider movie franchise.
posted by David at 5:23 AM | 1 Comments | Links to this post |
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