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TITLE DESCRIPTION TAGGED AS
RASEN This sequel to Hideo Nakata's Ring was shot simultaneously with the first movie by a different crew. It's generally considered the lost film in the Ring series, since no one seems to talk very much about it. That could be because it's one of the most godawful films ever made. , , ,
REDLINE All that negative stuff aired, it's probably no surprise that I actually kind of like Redline. It's a modestly entertaining, largely tasteless exercise in gratuitous sex, sleaze, and violence, and that's usually all it takes to make me happy. Throw in some engaging actors, lots of skimpy outfits, big guns, a ludicrous plot, insane amounts of murder that never seem to attract the attention of the police, and Rutger Hauer getting the sleeper hold put on him by a naked bodybuilder chick, and you have the recipe for a decent if idiotic trip to the near future. , , ,
REDNECK REVENGE How can an hour long shot-on-video film be half filler? This movie dares to answer that question. What is presented as a story as a burnt-out small-time sherrif who crosses the local small-town boss and must fight for his honor int he lamest tough man competition ever eventually turns into nothing more than an hour long local television commercial for Big Ray's Custom Trikes. ,
RETURN OF THE BASTARD SWORDSMAN Since this really is just the second half of one long film, I wouldn't recommend seeing Return of the Bastard Swordsman without or before Bastard Swordsman, just as there's not much point to Bastard Swordsman unless you move on to Return of the Bastard Swordsman. Although neither film was the final curtain for the Shaw Brothers studio, they never the less serve as an excellent note on which to pretend things ended. As far as anything-goes martial arts mayhem may go, you'd be hard-pressed to find another one with this much unbridled entertainment value. , , , , , ,
REVENGE OF THE CHEERLEADERS Revenge of the Cheerleaders answers the call for a movie in which a young and exhausted basketball-playing David Hasselhoff is revived by sniffing a cheerleader's worn panties. , ,
REVENGE OF FRANKENSTEIN When last we saw Baron Victor Frankenstein, he was being marched to the guillotine to face a beheading for the murders committed by his man-made man, not to mention the murders in which he himself dabbled. Well, you can't keep a good mad scientist down, and there are none better or madder than Cushing's Frankensetin. , ,
REVENGE OF THE NINJA Sho Kosugi steps from the shadows to fan the frenzied flames of mid-80s ninja mania! ,
RING Japanese director Hideo Nakata proves that old-fashioned horror films that actually scare the hell out of you are still around with this utterly classic and superb ghost story that will be chilling days and weeks after the final credits. , ,
RING 2 Hideo Nakata continues the chilling tale of Sadako in this follow-up to his classic first film. Although it falls short when compared to part one, this tale of a young woman's struggle to solve an ancient crime and save the soul of a young boy is still top-notch horror cinema. , ,
ROBOT VS. THE AZTEC MUMMY Following in the footsteps of some more ambitious horror ventures in Mexico, as well as some more successful B ventures in the 'States, Guillermo Calderon wrote and produced a series of three movies in quick succession which attempted to Mexicanize a popular Hollywood monster: the mummy. , ,
ROCK 'N' ROLL NIGHTMARE John Mikl-thor summons the power of rock to do battle with a rubbery Satan in the best movie ever made involving a muscular, mostly naked archangel adorned in a black leather studded codpiece!
R-POINT R-Point is a decent entry in the war-horror film, creating many incredibly effective scenes but ultimately proving to be a bit of a disappointment because it's almost a great film, which is often worse than just being a bad film. This is one of those movies that just needed one more revision of the script to really make it something special. Still, if you can get over how great the film could have been, you can still enjoy how good it is. Not without noticeable flaws, many of which are large enough to make not liking the film perfectly understandable, R-Point still manages to be creepy as hell in many places and an interesting film to think about. It also seems to know when it's doing something right, and when it's doing something wrong. Less female ghost with long hair, more war-horror would have been a vast improvement. , , ,
SAKUYA, SLAYER OF DEMONS It's Buffy the Vampire Slayer medieval Japanese style as a young woman wields a magic sword in her quest to rid the world of a gang of demons who escaped from Mt. Fuji during an eruption. Predictable plot and spectactular special effects are dragged down by the inclusion of one of the most annoying kids in the history of Japanese cinema, resulting in a good movie becoming average. , ,
SALON KITTY No, I hate Nazi sexploitation films for the same reason I hate any of the films I hate, for the one transgression I consider unforgivable in any type of film: they are godawful, gut-wrenchingly, mind-numbingly boring.
SAMSON AND THE SEVEN MIRACLES OF THE WORLD This whole era of turmoil serves as the backdrop for Samson and the Seven Miracles of the World starring a primed and fresh off his Tarzan movies Gordon Scott as Samson, a.k.a. Maciste, who has strolled to China in order to help put an end to the oppression. If we use this film as a basis for reality, and I can see no reason why we wouldn't, then the downfall of the Mongolian Empire was actually caused when Samson, after being buried by a dwarf, started punching the ground until he caused an earthquake, burst forth from his tomb, then lead the Chinese in revolt against their cruel masters. , ,
SANTO Y BLUE DEMON CONTRA LOS MONSTRUOS As anyone who's seen any of these films can attest, both Santo and Blue Demon boasted a profound lack of acting ability that not even dubbing them with other actors' voices and covering their faces in wrestling masks could contain.
SATAN'S PLAYGROUND Satan's Playground is one of what I personally think are far too few movies that deal with the legend of the Jersey Devil, though it deals with the mythical beastie in a very roundabout way, focusing instead on the Leeds clan, a Texas Chainsaw Massacre-style family of nutjobs, the matron of which supposedly gave birth to the Jersey Devil, which in turn gave birth to a whole hockey team. ,
SATANIC RITES OF DRACULA Dracula is sick of it all, maybe even sicker of it all than audiences watching his movies, and despite Van Helsing's best efforts, people just keep bringing Dracula back. His resurrection in Satanic Rites of Dracula takes place well before the film begins, but one can almost assume that when it happened, Dracula looked at himself and just thought, "Seriously? I mean, seriously?" There are almost as many ways to bring this guy back as there are to kill him in the first place, and Dracula seems positively suicidal this time around, scattering his house with bits of old wood and such. But ultimately, he knows a stake in the heart will probably just kill him for a little while, so all of mankind must be destroyed so the lord of the dead can get some fucking sleep. , , , , , , ,
SCARS OF DRACULA Hammer's Dracula series begins to falter with this gory but ultimately dismal sixth entry into the series. , , ,
SCREAM AND SCREAM AGAIN What the hell? It's rare these days that I have that reaction to a film. By this point, I really have seen just about everything, and the one thing that keeps that from being a depressing revelation is that sometimes something will pop up to remind that I haven't seen anything. , ,
SEVENTH CURSE If you'll pardon my very clumsy analogy, The Seventh Curse is a bit like the blood curse in the movie. Once you have seen this film, it slowly infects your whole body, and while your veins don't explode, there is a certain amount of 'verbal" eruption. I have told so many people about this film since I have seen it. I just want to infect everyone with it's dynamic exuberance. And I hope by reading this review, that some of that 'infection' has rubbed off on you. If you haven't seen The Seventh Curse, track down a copy, switch on your lava lamp, pull up your candy coloured beanbag, pour yourself a decent measure of Scotch (you're gonna need it) and prepare to be thoroughly entertained! , , ,
SHAAN As soon as the credits start rolling, projected as they are on the swaying rump of a sexy lass, you know you're in for a real treat. , , , , , ,
SHARK HUNTER Although everything about the movie, from the title to Franco Nero's seemingly unquenchable thirst for punching sharks in the face, would lead you to believe that this is going to be another in the brief but highly enjoyable line of Italian Jaws rip-offs along the lines of director Castellari's own L'Ultimo Squalo , , , ,
SHANGHAI GESTURE If you ever want to see a scene that perfectly captures a heady air of decadence and mania without going all over the top and Caligula on you, look no further than the scene that introduces us to the opulent gambling parlor operated by the enigmatic Mother Gin Sling. Centered above the main gambling floor, the shot assumes a bird's eye view of the hall and its inhabitants as it spiral downward into the fray, where people drink, gamble, and flirt with an orgiastic glee as the delirious music swells.
SHIRI South Korea fills in the void left by the collapse of the Hong Kong action film market with the stellar story of South Korean cops facing off with North Korean terrorists. Gory and intense violence and enough emotion to make John Woo happy highlight this incredible movie. , ,
SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT After his parents are murdered by a thug in a Santa suit, and after enduring years of abuse at the hands of the Mother Superior of a Catholic orphanage, A young man decides to don the Santa duds, grab an ax, and punish the naughty. One of the few decent films from the slasher genre. ,
SINBAD OF THE SEVEN SEAS I can anticipate a lot of things that would potentially show up as the first shot in a Sinbad the Sailor movie (as opposed to a Sinbad the Comedian movie, though I can also imagine the first shot in that movie as well, and it's Sinbad making an exaggerated screaming face and running away in fast motion from a poopy baby diaper), but one thing I never expected was a still shot of Edgar Allen Poe. , , , ,
SLOGAN If you are interested in good music, sixties European style, attractive people, sexy romance, or just really enjoy watching people smoking cigarettes, there are so many reasons to see Slogan that for me to evaluate it as a film using the conventional standards seems completely beside the point. ,
SNAKE PEOPLE American cinematic portrayals of voodoo, and of anything even related to African or Afro-Caribbean culture, might historically have tended to be reprehensible, but it's hard not to at least enjoy a movie which begins with a cackling dwarf. As the opening scenes unfold, the dwarf alternately cackles in riotously evil ecstasy and moans in what seems to be some kind of jealous covetousness. As is the nature of mute, cackling dwarves, his motives tend to be kind of inscrutable.
SOLAR ADVENTURE Even within the genres I love, there are still so many films I haven't seen, especially among the old noir titles. But instead of watching In a Lonely Place or Out of the Past, instead of watching any number of great films, I quietly took my Space Thunder Kids DVD out of the player and immediately inserted Solar Adventure, another Korean cartoon spawned by the same batch of animation commissioned by some Australian company and produced by Hong Kong cheapskate crap film mogul Joseph Lai. While some may genuinely regret the short-changing of artistic merit that occurred that night, I went blissfully forward into Solar Adventure without any notion that anything was the slightest bit wrong with my decision. Similar cavalier attitudes flown brazenly in the face of common sense have also resulted in things like me staying in a hotel room with a hole cut in the floor leading to a stucco bucket I was meant to use as a toilet. , ,
SO DARLING, SO DEADLY It's time for another visit to that magical land where smarmy cheeseballs can sashay up to any hot dame that strikes their fancy and plant a kiss on her without getting slapped in the face or slapped with a lawsuit. The amazing kingdom where smart suits and cocktail dresses are the norm and endless explosive attempts at assassination are met with nothing more than a cocked eyebrow and a knowing smirk. , , , ,
THE SOLDIER With a plot that was hair-brained even for the height of the Cold War, this goofball actioner tells the tale of a Russian plot to destroy the world's oil supply. Tons of bloody squibs, stunts, shoot-outs, and a sneering Klaus Kinski later, you won't even mind the bad writing in this violent espionage outing. ,
SPACE THING A middle-aged man dreams of being a super-suave interstellar space man who is forced to have wild sex with scores of gorgeous alien women (all in the name of research, of course) in this vintage piece of 1960s "retro-future" easy-listening sexploitation wonder. ,
SPACE THUNDER KIDS Trust me, a bottle of bourbon is all that's going to get you through the brain-frying glory of Space Thunder Kids, a film so utterly confounding, so dazzlingly inept in every single way imaginable, that it achieves an undeniable aura of the sublime that glows so brightly it threatens to blot out the rest of existence. And if you are worried that, perhaps, drinking an entire bottle of bourbon during a single movie could be detrimental to your health or to your comprehension of what you are watching, I say to you, "Have no fear, for Space Thunder Kids defies comprehension, and by the end of it you will be mopping up your own brain, which will have melted and oozed out the corner of your eyes as you vomit up your own intestines Lucio Fulci style." The bourbon only makes it hurt less. Now if that isn't a good review, I don't know what is. , ,
SPACE TRANSFORMERS As with most of the films in this series, the earth is under attack from sinister, crudely drawn aliens. We meet them at first when they attack an orbiting space platform that looks suspiciously like the Super Dimensional Fortress Macross, or like the orbiting space platform that showed up at the beginning of Space Thunder Kids. , , ,
SPACEHUNTER: ADVENTURES IN THE FORBIDDEN ZONE Peter Strauss stars as Wolff, an interstellar bounty hunter who must rescue a trio of airheaded supermodels from the clutches of an evil warlord on a desolate planet full of mutants. His sidekick: a young space orphan played by Molly Ringwald in her screen debut!
SPIRITS OF THE DEAD This trilogy of Edgar Allen Poe adaptations was conceived by three of Europe's maverick directors. Well, two directors and Roger Vadim. , , , ,
STACY A low-budget, ultra-gory Japanese schoolgirl zombie film? Shound be the best damn trash film ever made, right? So why is this hunk o' junk so godawful boring and uninteresting? ,
THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL Celebrate the holidays wookie style with this legendarily awful 1978 made-for-tv special that unites the cast of Star Wars for two heart-warming hours of cabaret numbers and arm-waving. ,
STICKS AND STONES Gay couple Peter and Buddy walk around Fire Island in Speed-O swimtrunks.
THE STINK OF FLESH This no-budget zombie movie proves that being a micro-budget horror film is no excuse for being a bad film. And while I can sit here, in one review after the other, and harp on this fact, this movie does me one better and leads by example. ,
STONER George Lazenby is Stoner, ass kicking man of vengeance. He teams up with Teleport City covergirl Angela Mao Ying to bust up a deadly drug baron while Betty Ting Pei takes her clothes off. Vintage 1970s action! ,
STORM RIDERS Dreamboats Ekin Cheng and Aaron Kwok unite with screen veteran Sonny Chiba for this eye-popping, high-flying flashy kungfu/fantasy film adapted from a popular Chinese comic book. ,
THE STRANGER AND THE GUNFIGHTER Lo Lieh and Lee Van Cleef are hot on the trail of a lost Chinese treasure that requires them to look at women's bare bottoms for clues! Kungfu and shootin' abound in this weird East meets Western. , ,
STRAY CAT ROCK: SEX HUNTER The plot, if you want to call this loose assembly of violent episodic adventures a plot, revolves around gang leader Mako, played by Meiko Kaji. , , ,
STREETS OF FIRE The greatest movie ever made? Possibly. Miachael Pare stars as Tom Cody, a world-wear ex-soldier called back home by his sister in order to resuce an old flame who has been kidnapped by a biker gang led by Willem Dafoe in trash bag overalls. , , , , , ,
STRIP NUDE FOR YOUR KILLER You wouldn't think that a movie with a title like Strip Nude for Your Killer would turn out to be among the sleazier, trashier, less redeemable Italian thrillers -- or giallo -- but what do you know! Strip Nude for Your Killer turns out to be among the sleazier, trashier, less redeemable Italian thrillers, and if you know anything about gialli, you know that sleaze, trash, and irredeemability are practically requisites for the genre. , , ,
SUPERARGO VS. THE FACELESS GIANTS When slow-moving robot men begin kidnapping the world's best athletes, or at least the world's most available athletes, it's up to superhero pro wrestler Superargo to crack the diabolical scheme using nothing but dropkicks, headlocks, superstrength, levitation, ray guns, and telekinesis! Santo meats the Eurospy film in this psychotronic slice of superhero shenanigans. , , ,
SUPERMEN DONUYOR (SUPERMAN RETURNS) I can also add Supermen Donuyor to my list of Turkish films which use children's toys as props--in this case, a ken doll, complete with little costume and hairdryer-derived wind, is used for most of the flying scenes, which helps to explain why Superman's face is obscured by his arms in most of them. The ability to create the appearance of Superman in flight was apparently a pivotal technical conundrum for the filmmakers, and all told I think they did a better job than the makers of Puma Man, at least... Dolls can't really flail their arms like jackasses, after all. It looks decent enough as the dolls suspended in front of washed-out rear-projections of random crap in Istanbul techniques go, and unlike the rear-projections in Turkish Star Wars, none of these appear to be backwards or upside-down, though all of them are curiously blue... ,
THE SWINGING CHEERLEADERS Of all the cheerleader movies, The Swinging Cheerleaders has the most promising title and, oddly enough, is the least sleazy and exploitive of the bunch. ,
SWORD AND SORCERER It was one of the greatest films I'd ever seen when I was ten years old, but how would this sword and sorcery adventure film hold up twenty years later? Lee Horseley and Kathleen Beller star in this tale of a roguish mercenary's fight against an evil warlord and a slimy zombie sorcerer thing.