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TITLE DESCRIPTION TAGGED AS
MACBETH I have no idea what moved Playboy to finance Polanski's dark vision of Shakespeare, but we're all the better for their temporary foray into the world of gory arthouse cinema.
MACAO Macao starring one of Teleport City's favorite half-asleep actors, Robert Mitchum, is an exceptionally good thriller, not exactly a noir film but a solid old school crime thriller with good pacing, cool characters, and a great twist. Despite the exotic setting, it doesn't bank too heavily on the "shadowy Chinatown" style of filmmaking, and there are no Caucasians in fake eyelids parading about. , , , ,
MAGIC BLADE Ti Lung stars alongside Lo Lieh in another sumptuous martial arts feast from director Chor Yuen. Ti Lung must battle an endless parade of outlandish villains as he seeks to uncover the mysterious Lord Yu's evil schemes. , , ,
MAMBO GIRL The dangerously charming Grace Chang stars in this Latin beat musical comedy about a sassy young woman who discovers she is adopted. One of the great classics from Hong Kong's Cathay Studios. ,
THE MAN WHO SAVED THE WORLD What Star Wars might have been if it had sped-up Benny Hill kungfu, disco music, paper mache monsters, mummies, gore, and an all Turkish cast! ,
THE MAN WHO SAVED THE WORLD 2 I heard numerous times over several years that there was going to be a sequel to Turkish Star Wars. I heard it would have Cuneyt Arkin in it. And I really hoped that those were just fruitless rumors. They weren't. So, with a heavy heart and low expectations, I went ahead and hoped that maybe it was a fitting tribute to the original film. I've now seen it. It's not. , ,
MAPLEWOODS In a sense, Maplewoods is somewhat unambitious. It takes a pretty standard zombie story template and attempts to do a good rendition of it. I applaud it for that. There's nothing wrong with taking an old tale and just trying to do it right--hell, Homer and Shakespeare made careers out of that sort of thing. The problem is, you have to do it right. ,
MASTER AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD Cap'n Jack is taking his ship out in pursuit of a French ship called the Acheron. The French boat is bigger, faster, and better equipped, but the Surprise has a secret weapon: Russell Crowe's ability to climb up into the rigging and strike heroic, manly poses as his ship rockets across the wide open seas.
THE MAZE So I reckon if you are looking for a great monster and cracking good dialog, you're probably better off elsewhere. But I found a lot to like in The Maze, even if my mom's version of the movie was better, and I would gladly wander through it again...even knowing what's waiting in the center for me. , ,
THE MEATRACK So it was then, by sheer act of availability, that we found most of the sleazy movies we were coming across highlighted naked female flesh but really short-changed that desire I know we all have to see grimy, sweaty, hairy-assed guys with weird looking penises and dirty feet rubbing against one another in fleapit hotel rooms.
MILANO ROVENTE It's Italian pimps versus French drug dealers in the bloody streets of Milan as Umberto Lenzi trows his hat into the ring of ultra-violent 1970s crime films. ,
MISSION HYDRA An old professor, his mind-blowlingly gorgeous daughter, and a band of bodybuilding scientists are kidnapped by a beautiful space captain and a couple of her own bodybuilders in this wild Italian science fiction romp.
MOONLIGHT SWORD AND JADE LION Angela Mao stars in this dreadfully boring story of a young swordswoman looking for her master's brother. Painfully bad kungfu fights punctuate endless scenes of tedium played out by characters with nary an intereting trait about them.
MOONSHINE COUNTY EXPRESS Susan Howard, Claudia Jennings, and Marcia Brady herself (Maureen McCormick) play three backwoods sisters who avenge their daddy's murder using the onyl weapons they have: wiles, shotguns, dynamite, and a stash of prime bootleg whiskey.
MOONSTONE An understanding of what Poverty Row was -- if not an actual appreciation for its product -- is an important part of any cult film education, because Poverty Row is where the b-movie was born. , ,
MORBUS The film begins with some hopelessly dark and grainy footage of some guy in a cemetery. The bushes rustle, the camera does the "I'm a zombie!" stagger, some bells for some reason start jingling to add to the suspense, and the guy does the old "Hm... Just looking over to my left... no reason to look anywhere but left... boy, it's sure enthralling to really scrutinize those rocks and that little plant--WaitohmyGodwhat'sthat?!?!?!?" schtick.
MORTUARY Mortuary is an interesting work which sort of produced a microcosm of my feelings about the director... I felt variously interested, irritated, disappointed, amused, and ultimately some strange amalgam of ambivalent and disinterested. And just like Hooper's career (in my eyes, and my opinion is more humble than my words might make it sound), the film has some great high points, some dismal low points, and a lot of general decent-to-mediocre stuff in between.
MR. INDIA There came that fateful moment during the second hour, right after one of those child-fueled moments of cheap pathos, when I felt a familiar lump growing in my throat. And with that lump came a strangled, tear-choked voice, urging the hero on to avenge the terrible wrong that had been done: "You get those bastards, Mr. India!" , , ,
THE MUMMY The story is pretty much the same as the story in every mummy movie that has ever been made. Archaeologists disturb the tomb of a Egyptian princess, which awakens her mummy guardian (and invariably, her former doomed lover and high priest) to seek revenge on the desecraters while a guy in a fez makes ominous predictions about the fate of those who defile the tombs of the ancient ones. , , ,
THE MUMMY'S SHROUD Ho hum, the mummy again. That wouldn't normally be my reaction, as I'm rather a fan of mummies and the havoc they wreak upon the living, but this entry into the Hammer compendium of vengeful Egyptian crypt guardians manages to do very little beyond eliciting a yawn. ,
MURDERS IN THE RUE MORGUE Director Gordon Hessler is back for another AIP Poe adaptation, this one cleverer than most in the way it incorporates the Poe elements into the film. ,
THE MYSTERY OF MAMO Anime anti-hero Lupin III hits the big screen for the first time in this bawdy, action-packed adventure that pits the rakehell thief against a blue dwarf in a white leisure suit. , , ,
NAKSHA For anyone who ever watched Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and was disappointed that, for all its over-the-top absurdities, it didn't feature a scene where Harrison Ford punches a midget and makes him fly across a field, then Naksha is the movie for you. Only it's not Harrison ford doing the punching; it's action cinema mainstay Sonny Deol. But hell, if anyone in the world is going to punch a midget and make him fly across a field, then it's going to be Sonny. , , , , ,
NEW BARBARIANS The not-so-heroic Scorpio must squeeze his oiled-up slab into a suit of see-thru plastic bubble armor as he and Fred Williamson battle vicious bikers in a post-apocalyptic world gone mad! Tons of action and violence, none of it done well! ,
NIGAHEN If I say to you, "Sonny Deol fights snake spirits who shoot laser beams out of their eyes while some priest in a fake Rollie Fingers moustache rolls around a lot during wind and lightning storms," then you're going to think, "Sounds pretty good to me. And there will be musical numbers!" And I was with you, right up to the point where I started watching the movie and realized that, in reality, it was going to be a slightly tougher row to hoe than I first thought. ,
A NIGHT AT THE OPERA A Night at the Opera sets the formula that would apply for just about all the films the Brothers would make at MGM. Groucho Marx is the enterprising businessman out to fleece the snooty types, while Chico (that's Chick-O) and Harpo are a couple of rascals who inevitably get tangled up with Groucho. Hijinks ensue. ,
NIGHT CREATURES Things start off piratey enough, with the mutilation and stranding of a crew member for attacking the wife of the captain, a mysterious and ruthless pirate by the name of Clegg. Leaving the dastardly crewman to his fate sans food, water, ears, or tongue, the film then skips ahead a number of years to the remote British town of Dymchurch, which is being visited by no-nonsense British Navy captain Collier who suspects the small hamlet of being an offloading center for liquor smugglers. But Dymchurch hardly seems to be a den of smugglers and rapscallions, populated as it is by jolly coffin makers, upstanding squires, upstanding squire's sons, and the benign local parson, Blyss. Collier, however, is an experienced hand at flushing out smugglers, so he's hardly taken in by innocent looks alone. , , , ,
NIGHT OF THE LEPUS Watch enough of the types of movies that regularly occupy the screens here at Teleport City, and at some point you will undoubtedly find yourself lifting your arms up into the air toward yon' heavens and, in a booming and suitably epic film sounding voice, beseeching Jehovah himself. "O Lord!" you will cry, "O Lord, how in the name of all that is twisted and unholy did this film ever get made?" ,
NIGHT OF THE SORCERERS Okay, so we've covered Spanish devil worshipper movies, and we snuck in one of Paul Naschy's werewolf movies. What's next? Oh, I know. How about one of those jungle movies where white folks are menaced by the undead locals?
NIGHT OF HORROR Basically, it's a whole movie full of long, boring, muffled scenes that each last from five to fifteen minutes. If anything starts happening, you can bet it'll be on screen for a good long while.
NIGHT WATCH After I finished watching the Russian fantasy-horror film (though there is very little that is scary about it, unless you are scared of vampires in velour track suits, which, come to think of it, I am) Night Watch, I had to sit and ponder what I'd just seen for a few minutes before deciding that I needed to watch it again. I usually only do this if a movie is excessively enjoyable or excessively incomprehensible. , ,
NOWHERE TO HIDE This visually stunning Korean action-comedy with a deceptively simple plot about a group of rough cops looking for an underworld assassin actually has a lot more going on below the surface than most people seem to notice. Highlighted by flashy direction, solid performances, gritty violence, and a warped sense of humor, the movie has a lot to say about the very concept of what is violent and how we react to it. ,