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[film] THE MIGHTY GORGA
After what feels like an eternity, April and Mark reach the top of the plateau, and all our hard work watching them make fakey grimace faces while climbing over very small rocks pays off when the two are attacked by a tyrannosaurus rex! Now there are good special effects, and there are bad special effects, and there are awful special effects. But this one...this one transcends all that has come before it and may very well be the nirvana of awful special effects. Mark and April cower helplessly on a projection screen while the screen is menaced by what looks like one of those plastic toy dinosaurs mounted on the end of a stick. You know the ones -- they sell them at museums all the time. It's a crude dinosaur upper body attached to a stick, usually with a trigger so your kid can make the mouth open and close.
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[film] KILL, PANTHER, KILL
At some point someone behind the scenes must have said, "Look, I know that this is basically just a cops-and-robbers story that we're telling here, but, being that this is a Kommissar X film, we should at least have a frogman shoot at Joe Walker with a harpoon gun." And so at this point a frogman emerges from the river beside where Walker and Emily are talking and shoots at Walker with a harpoon gun. Walker overpowers the frogman and demands to know who sent him, but -- in another turn of events that seems to have come from an entirely different movie -- the frogman himself is harpooned by an unseen accomplice before he can answer. Rowland arrives on the scene, and the two trail the accomplices to a nearby gym, where the first of two pretty great fight scenes in Kill, Panther, Kill! takes place.
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[film] THE HELL OF 50 MOVIE PACK
The Hell of 50 Movie Pack celebrates Teleport City's ongoing journey through the nine circles of Mill Creek Entertainment's 50 Movie Pack. When you're getting 50 movies for $15, you know the quality is going to be high, and while the films in these various collections -- which cover everything from horror to noir to science fiction to sword and sandal -- often live up to one's low expectations both in terms of the print quality and the quality of the film itself, there are also many hidden gems, forgotten films, and other strange stuff you will never find anywhere else. The latest reviews include:
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[film] JET SET CINEMA
Jet Set Cinema is Teleport City's short form salute to the sexiest, swinginest, and swankiest in the world of film of television. From sleuthing with Mr. Moto and Bulldog Drummond to fashion tips from Jason King, all things cinematically suave will find their home here. The latest grooves include:
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[film] SHRIMP CHIPS
Shrimp Chips are short reviews and off the cuff commentary about whatever movie we happen to be thinking about here at Teleport City, but not thinking about so hard that it warrants a full review. This can be vaguely remembered stuff from the past or something I watched last night. For example, the last Shrimp Chips I thought about were:
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[film] B-MASTERS CABAL ROUNDTABLE
And now, the B-Masters pay tribute to that special effects with is almost a sine qua non of sci-fi and horror: The man in the creature suit. Be it alien, mutant, or monster undefined, the arm-waving raaaahring of such under-appreciated thespians was for decades -- and to some degree, still is today -- the only way that outlandish beings beyond or normal experience could be realized on film. We salute the creature suits and the men (and women) who worked inside them. Rubber Soul proves that you can trust a suit, so long as that suit is covered in scales or mangy fur. Teleport City launches a multi-pronged attack that will see us investigating Thai-produced Ultraman movies, bonkers 80s Hong Kong horror, and atmospheric 50s chillers undone by ridiculous monster suits. Be sure to check out all the B-Master contributions as we honor these, the true bread and butter of the b-movie universe.
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