From Torchlight Pictures comes another softcore flick involving five minutes of plot and 80 minutes of getting it on. This time, the action concerns groups of archeologists at two dig sites and their exciting adventures of digging up some bowls the producer bought at Ross that weekend. One of the two locations of the action is the Mojave Desert, which is played by the desert location that is used in a lot of Torchlight Pictures films. Dirty Blondes even spawned a sequel that takes place in the same desert. The pair of titular Dirty Blondes are not in the desert, but are located in set piece number two, a lush rainforest. This helps break up the monotony of the bleak desert landscape. Let’s also applaud Dirty Blondes for not having any scene be set in a hotel, like most of the other Torchlight Pictures desert features.
Kismet
I love you, Kismet. I can see why, for 32 years until Sholay, you held the record for longest run at the box office. I love your story, I love ten-year-old Mehmood, I love VH Desai (whom Saadat Hasan Manto called “God’s Clown”), I simply adore Ashok Kumar in all his youthful kind-hearted con-man glory. I love your unwed pregnant girl, your runaway son; I even love your songs, which is sometimes hard for me with movies as aged as you are. I can’t wait to see you with subtitles (thanks Raja!) but even without them you are enthralling, you dear old progressive masala template of a film, you.
Crocodile Man
That 1972’s Crocodile Man is among those few Khmer language films from the era that do survive today is likely due to its popularity beyond Cambodia’s borders. In addition to being a success at home, it was also distributed in Hong Kong and — thanks at least in part to its basis in Thai folklore — also saw release in neighboring Thailand. In fact, its source material was also used as the basis for the 1980 Thai film Kraithong, from Sompote Saengduenchai’s Chaiyo productions — not to mention it’s 1985 sequel –- as well as another Thai film of the same name produced in 2001.
Detention
Fourth walls? Where we’re going, we don’t need fourth walls! Yes, it is time to review Detention, which I got to see at an advanced screening for free (Tars sells out again! Damn you, Tars Tarkas!) Detention is basically Scream by way of The Breakfast Club and Juno, with more references to the 90s than you can shake your beeper at! If you aren’t familiar with Joseph Kahn, then you need to drop everything (after you’re done reading this and every other article on the site) and go get his other film, Torque, the greatest street racing film ever made. If you think there is a top for things to be over the top, Kahn proves you wrong by going so far over we’re under again, and then even more over! Kahn’s career in music videos serves him well in creating a stylized whirlwind of awesome visual tricks, camera angles, text segments, flashbacks, and crazed editing.
Mictlan
People have on occasion asked me whether it’s harder to write about good films or bad ones, and the answer is neither. Both types of films are capable of inspiring lively prose, but it’s the movies like Mictlan — the ones that just kind of sit there and stare back — that leave me at pains to write something that doesn’t read like I’ve got a gun stuck in my mouth. And that’s unfair, really. Because it’s clear that a lot of competent people put in a lot of honest work on Mictlan, despite the fact that I can find so little to say about it. Meanwhile, I’ve practically made a side career out of discussing other films that are, by comparison, case studies in negligence.
Cango Korkusuz Adam, Take 2
Remember last month when this site and Die, Danger, Die, Die, Kill! both reviewed a long-lost Turkish Kilink film that suddenly became found? Well, it’s deja vu all over again because here’s ANOTHER double lost Killink review! Cango Korkusuz Adam. This time, Killink travels to the Old West where he’s trying to take over valuable land with a gold mine on it, and terrorizing the adjoining town. Sadly for Killink, the nephew of the man he kills to get the land shows up and is so cowboy that even a guy dressed in a skeleton costume and a cowboy hat can’t stand a chance, because he become Django! Or as he’s called in Turkish, Cango! Neither name is Rango, though, so don’t get too excited.
Perfect Weapon
Break out the kali sticks, because The Perfect Weapon is the Greatest Movie EVER! Review in a Nutshell: One of the best cinematic showcases of American Kenpo, The Perfect Weapon features a large cast of our favorite Asian character actors and lots of whacky violence. Jeff Speakman stars as the lily-white protagonist who must show those villainous foreigners the true heart of martial arts. HE’S GOT THE POWER!
Cango Korkusuz Adam
Turkish pop movies have a way of showing you things that you didn’t know you desperately wanted to see until they were spooling out right in front of you. So, yes, it turns out that I really did want to see who would win in a fight between Django and Kilink, and for that I have Cango Korkusuz Adam to thank.
Previously on The Horror!?: Darna & Bigfoot Meet Paul Naschy
The Innkeepers: I was always hoping Ti West would make a movie like this; now I finally have the opportunity to gush about it.
Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows/The Life of the World to Come/Finalmente…Le Mille E Una Notte: Three films. One post. I liked all of ‘em!?
Bigfoot: Or “Leisurely Walk Through The Woods”. Part of our Hairy Beast festivities, alas.
Darna! Ang Pagbabalik: Finally, I’ve watched an adventure of Filipino superheroine Darna for the first time. She’s fighting snake-haired women, a cult, and a bad taste in men, which is the sort of thing that can only ever be delightful.
Pánico: A Mexican horror anthology that is certainly colourful, fully melodramatic, and very not funny when it tries to be.
La Cruz Del Diablo: Finally, my very slow attempt at watching every film Paul Naschy ever made returns. This time around, there’s neither hide nor hair of the great man on screen; he’s only written the script. The director’s chair belongs to Hammer veteran John Gilling, who, it turns out, does know how to make a Spanish horror movie.









